#81 – The Jesus Survey, 4 of 4

“How Are We Doing?” – Final
Okay Jesus, this is a 10-point, all or none, yes or no question. “Does anything in your Letters to the Seven Churches in Revelation, apply to us?” Remember, if you answer “No,” it adds to our overall score in case we need a little boost, and that will make us feel good.

We haven’t felt the need to take those letters personally because we don’t see anything that relates to us. “Too bad” for those who do need to hear them! It sounds ugly. And Jesus, we’re totally with you on that lukewarm thing. We want our Starbucks Frappuccino hot and their Fruit Refresher good and cold. No lukewarm stuff for us American Christians!

Anyway – – sorry to bother you with all those questions. We know you have a lot going, what with trying to reach the lost and needy around us and in the far away jungles. We’d like to help, but you know how busy we are with the kid’s sports, working-out to try to lose some weight (caring for our bodies is a good thing, right?), and getting ready for our Disney World vacation.

We’ll try to send some money to the missionaries if we have extra cash after we get that big LED Full HD Smart TV that we need. Thanks for understanding!

Finally, we think you’d enjoy visiting our churches and listening to our technologically enhanced sermons and joining in our enthusiastic worship, and we know you’d envy our AV systems. Just think how much better you could have communicated with such helps!

We’d be happy to have you say a few words but please understand that we have a carefully planned, inspired six-month preaching schedule, and we’d need to know well in advance if you expected to have the whole 20 to 30-minutes.

In saying that – – we trust you to not say anything that upsets our people. Our pastors already have enough on their hands with our Covid-19 worries, conspiracy theory controversies, and end-times fear-mongers, plus finding enough volunteers to keep our wonderful programs running. Maybe you could send us some workers, or at least tell some of our people how important it is to prioritize things in their life.

Sincerely yours,

   The Faithful in the USA

PS – We’d prefer that you use the ________ Version if you read from the Bible here.

Ken Stoltzfus
Kidron, OH USA
May 15, 2021
CLICK HERE for a pdf of all four in this series

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